I won't tell.

I can't say what I need to say. In a somewhat pathetic attempt to avoid pride and selfish behavior, I just can't say everything that is going on.  The good and the great and my bad; they are all sitting here in my head and on my heart and I can't talk about them to anyone.

The frustrating thing is how badly I want to talk about it. But there is a chance that someone will credit me for these miracles and those are dangerous waters for me to be swimming in.  It is too easy to say, "yep, I am pretty great.".  Taking credit comes so naturally for me and before I know it I am going to be wandering around Israel for 40 years....no thanks.   So I can't say anything.  As much as I would like to. 

The other, even more, frustrating thing is how much I want people to hear what is going on in my life.  How incredible God is and how I am convinced, more than ever before, that He loves us all.  I am so grateful and I am not sure if I have ever been sincerely grateful for anything in my whole life.   It is a vulnerable state to be in...one of gratitude. But that is where I am tonight; sitting outside, watching the 4 most amazing children on the planet; in a state of gratitude and amazement for God, for His mercy and for His love.

Goodbye Tulsa Zoo

I can’t remember a summer in the past 16 years that our family has not gone to the Tulsa Zoo at least once.  Several years ago we began purchasing their family zoo pass and we were there in the sun, the rain and the snow.  I am very sad to say that these days are about over  The Tulsa Zoo has gone from a relaxing, enjoyable way to spend time with my family to one big downer of a day. 

                         

Unless you are ready to spend a couple hundred bucks or only have one child, be prepared to say “No” a whole, whole lot.  I used to have to say no only one time, as we walked by the gift shop.  Now I say no to:

The Gift Shop

The Second Gift Shop

The Rock and Mineral Dig

The Camel Rides

The Rock Climb

Whatever that frog game is next to the rock climb

A food cart every 200 feet or so

A multitude of penny and 3.00 coin machines

And just when you think you are safe, a final gift shop-cart near the parking lot.

Today I also got to say no to 3 buildings that were shut down. Nope can’t go see Nanuk or the Cave or the Florescent Lights Display.  The exchange center, their very favorite place, was closed too.

Somewhere between the WAY overpriced fun and food, the terrible smells, the displays that are always under construction and that bear who looks like he needs antidepressants, I realized that we are done.  I don’t like having to spend an entire day saying no, no, no to my kids. Tulsa is a great city.  We will find something else to do.

Buzzards to Blessings

Many years ago I watched my husband stand in the airport of a foreign country.  He and I with our 1 year old daughter were getting ready to fly home to the U.S. but we had to make a stop in Miami and spend the night in a hotel.

My husband stood there, surrounded by a group of people, and he opened his wallet and held it out.  The folks surrounding him pushed and picked, taking every last dollar until my husband held his wallet upside down and said "It's empty."

For a long time this memory made my stomach hurt.  The people seemed almost like buzzards, swooping down and grabbing what they could.   I remember watching in disgust as my husbands hard earned money went to people who seemed not to appreciate his gift. I was so worried about our trip home.  What if we had an emergency?  We needed that money!

This memory had changed for me as I changed my focus from the group  of people to the expression on my husbands face.  He was joyful, smiling and laughing from the very bottom of his belly at the honor he was being given to provide for others.  I love this memory now.  It shows, not just the generosity of my great husband, but the depth of his faith.  He never worried about our trip home.  His security is not linked to money, the way mine is.  It is a gift that only a life of poverty can give, true faith that God will provide for us.