I can't say what I need to say. In a somewhat pathetic attempt to avoid pride and selfish behavior, I just can't say everything that is going on. The good and the great and my bad; they are all sitting here in my head and on my heart and I can't talk about them to anyone.
The frustrating thing is how badly I want to talk about it. But there is a chance that someone will credit me for these miracles and those are dangerous waters for me to be swimming in. It is too easy to say, "yep, I am pretty great.". Taking credit comes so naturally for me and before I know it I am going to be wandering around Israel for 40 years....no thanks. So I can't say anything. As much as I would like to.
The other, even more, frustrating thing is how much I want people to hear what is going on in my life. How incredible God is and how I am convinced, more than ever before, that He loves us all. I am so grateful and I am not sure if I have ever been sincerely grateful for anything in my whole life. It is a vulnerable state to be in...one of gratitude. But that is where I am tonight; sitting outside, watching the 4 most amazing children on the planet; in a state of gratitude and amazement for God, for His mercy and for His love.
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